Well, I told my parents...

If you read my last post, you'd know the situation I'm in.

I'm back in Birmingham at the moment, and this morning, I told my parents my plans for dropping out of university.

It didn't go well.

I was having breakfast with my brother when my dad came down. He kept asking how uni was and I was too afraid to tell him the truth so I said stuff like 'Yeah, it's been good'. When he asked me more and more questions, I just had to come out with the truth. He didn't take it so well. I thought he'd be understanding, and be cool with it. Boy was I wrong. Not only did he tell me I chose the wrong decision, but he said he wasn't gonna give me money and that I need to look after myself. My feelings? Surprised. Upset. Confused. But I quickly accepted the fact. My mom came down not long after, and asked my dad and I what we were arguing about. My dad told my mom what happened and walked out of the kitchen. My mom immediately shouted and said some things. It all happened so quickly that I couldn't put up a decent argument and explain what my plans were and stuff. I think it was because of this that my parents lost faith in me. My mom said she wouldn't support me financially either.

I ran into my room, well, my brother's room, and laid down in my bed for a bit. After calming down, I messaged some people about what happened. My cousins have been very supportive of me, offering me to stay with them. They said they would help me get a job and everything. I think that's the best choice for me at this time, moving in with them until I can support myself properly. I want to do this as soon as possible which means I probably have less than a month left living in Manchester. It's going to be sad leaving all the new friends I've made but it's for the best.

To my coursemates who have been messaging me asking if I'm alright and where I am, sorry for ignoring your messages. To be honest, I felt quite ashamed of dropping out of university and that's why I didn't make any contact with you guys. I just wanna take this chance to apologise, and I'll apologise again when I see you guys for the final time, and thanks for putting up with me.

To everyone who has given me encouragement and support, thank you to you too. I always feel better knowing someone out there cares.

Also to my brother, who disagreed with me dropping out but has give me all the support he can regardless, thanks a ton. He understands my mom and offered to get one of his friends' mom to talk to my mom and she only really listens to her friends. I know my brother will always be there for me when I'm down, even if he shows it in the worst way possible. I'm really proud of him and sometimes, I feel like the little brother who relies on him. I've used the last bit of money in my bank to buy him a limited edition 3DS XL.

SO YEAH...

That's my story so far. Thanks for being bothered to read this. Also, this is gonna be the last post in this blog. I may start another one, but who knows?

- stripeytofu

PS: This song describes how I feel at the moment. Knowing that my parents won't support me just makes me wanna prove them wrong! I'd really appreciate it if you could take the time to listen to the lyrics.

November 2012 university update.

Hey y'all, how's it hanging?

Do I talk weird? I think I talk weird. At least I type weird, cos I don't think I talk like that in real life.

ANYWAY! An update on my life for those I haven't kept in touch with. Hope things are good!

Me? Well it's gonna be a long story, so sit tight and get comfortable. Maybe get a cup of hot chocolate, cos I know most of you read my blog at night in bed, and a cuppa hot choc is best when consumed at night. Ready? OK.

My university journey began halfway through September. University of Manchester wasn't actually my first choice. I got in through clearing to do a Chinese and Japanese joint honours degree. Why? Well it was actually a last minute decision. Truth is, I really wanted to take a gap year so I could figure out what I really wanted to do in uni. However, my mom had different ideals. She detested gap years, thinking that it's a waste of a year. Hmm, actually, could it be she had no faith in me to make good use of a gap year? Could be that.

So yeah, my mom wanted me to go straight into uni, so I did. Which meant I went into uni half-heartedly. I didn't have the drive, the motivation, to actually do it. I just though 'I'll just get through these 4 years, and it'll be over in no time. I'll have a degree, get a good job, and that'll be the end of it.'. That may have the been the most costly and time wasting mistake I have ever made. I missed my first ever lecture, and from then on, I had only been going to 5 hours of 14 hours of lectures a week. Terrible, I know. A waste of money, I know. But like I said before, I didn't have the drive or the motivation to go. A week later, I dropped Japanese. The reason is because I didn't read the small print on the website for the course. This is what it says:

 "The first few weeks may be particularly intensive for those who have not encountered Japanese script and we strongly advise all applicants to ensure that they have learned at least the hiragana script prior to Week One of teaching; guidance on materials to help with this can be obtained from language tutors."

Yeah.. since I applied for the course through clearing, I didn't have the chance to learn the hiragana script. For those who don't know what it is, it's like a kinda Japanese alphabet, but not really. And since I didn't have this skill, I couldn't catch up at all, and there were tests every week that would affect the overall grade at the end of the year. Knowing this, I asked to switch from Japanese to Screen Studies, while still keeping Chinese. What is Screen Studies you ask? Well.. From what I gather, it's kinda like Film Studies. A Mickey Mouse course. Useless. Sorry to all those who are doing the same or similar degree.. but that's my honest opinion. I went to two Screen Studies lectures before I stopped going altogether. Do you know what we did? We watched old black and white films.. and discussed the themes. There wasn't even any speaking! It was boring and pointless. I thought cos it'd be interesting for me, because I make YouTube videos and studying film might interest me, but it's the worst degree you could do in UoM. Trust me.

Because I hated doing Screen Studies, and because there was no other course I wanna do with Chinese (I detest Business), I have made the final choice of dropping out of university. Yeah, I said it. Gonna drop out of uni. It's a super huge decision, and I'm scared. Really scared. But my mind also feels clear. It feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've made plans for my future - finally- and I'll describe it to you now.

THE PLAN...

OFFICIALLY DROP
I have yet to talk to my academic advisor about officially dropping out of uni. I'm a bit scared of talking to her, but I've sent her an email requesting for a time to meet up.

WRITE A CV
I haven't written a CV since my practice one in high school. This is gonna suck.

TELL PARENTS
This is definitely the scariest part of my plan. I think my dad will be cool with it, but my mom is absolutely gonna destroy me! I'm most likely gonna tell her this weekend, so I'll let you know what happens after...

WRITE UCAS
I have to go through the whole UCAS process again just to reapply. Sheffield is my number one choice, but I can't tell you what degree I wanna do at the moment. You'll know when the time comes.

GET A JOB
Since I'm not gonna be funded by the Government anymore, I need to get a job to pay back off the loans I've taken out. It's gonna be effort, but I'm gonna try my best. This is something I've decided on, and I'm going to take full responsibility for it. No one's opinion or advice has influenced me on this decision.

SO YEAH... that's what's happening so far in my university life. Thanks for reading, much appreciated! I'm gonna try my hardest to blog more often, so look forward to more posts :)



- stripeytofu

My life is going downhill

Everything is going bad at the moment. Seriously, EVERYTHING. It's been So stressful, I just wanna sleep forever. I'm so stressed and upset that I'm gonna blog about it and make you guys read it. Sorry in advance.

Resits results
I did TERRIBLE. Well, actually it made no difference since only the exams with the highest marks counted. But to think that all that money to pay for the resits had to go to waste like that... This summer is my last chance to get good grades to get into university.

Art
Art has taken such a big toll on me. I can't draw very quickly so I'm always behind everything. Plus the fact that I don't actually do any work is unhelpful too. The exam is next Friday so I'll have to do as much work as possible before then.

Mom
My mom has been constantly yelling at me lately. Not that I know what she's yelling about though, it's like my ears automatically stop listening as soon as her mouth opens. I can faintly hear something about 'bad grades' and 'university' and 'clearance'. I seriously cannot stand her shouting voice anymore.

External hard drive
My brother dropped my 2TB external hard drive and it broke. I did not care for most of the things on it, but all my years of porn that I collected were on it. The worst thing I reckon is that all my piano compositions were on there, and now they're all gone. GONE! I'll need to compose from scratch now.

Crush
Was gonna write something but actually, no comment.

I guess compared to some people, this is nothing. I know some people who are seriously fighting depression but here I am just complaint about the tiniest of things. In that sense, I feel really selfish, but I just needed to vent out some of my problems.

The meaning of dreams

Recently, I've been remembering a lot of my dreams. I think behind every dream is a meaning.

The giralimo

The earliest dream I can remember went a little like this: I was riding a giraffe to my cousin's house.

The meaning - the giraffe represents a limo; long neck, long car. This means sometime in the future, I'm going to drive a limo to my cousin's house.

The honey filled larvae

In this dream, I was on a school trip with my primary school friends. We were in some sort of garden when the teacher suddenly stopped us, and pointed on the floor. There I saw a whitish but translucent giant larvae. It was kinda wriggling about but couldn't really because it was completely filled with a yellow substance. I poked it and honey came out.

The meaning - from this dream, I worked out that the insect signified evil and the honey signified my love. Also, since the dream took place in a garden, I can conclude that when I have a wife, she'll be captured by evil people on a field but then I'll poke them and save her. Good thing my dream told me this before it actually happens so I can prepare.

Flying through the streets


The title explains it all. I was actually flying through the streets. Well, more like running through the air? You know how the kung fu masters in Chinese films like, run really quickly through the air? It was like that. Watch Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon if you don't know what I mean.

The meaning - I'm gonna run really quickly through the air.

Chocolate nipples


Not gonna lie, I actually dreamt about boobies. But they were kinda weird. It started like this: my cousin once told me that if you think really hard about something at night, you'll dream about it. I, being the little perverted prick I was when puberty hit, decided to try it out, thinking super hard about boobies. Sure enough, the dream happened except it was a bit odd.

I'm being really brave here by confessing what I did in my dream. I tried to reach out and touch the boobies in front of me, but when I touched them, the nipples came off! I picked one of them up, and they turned out to be those chocolate iced gems you used to buy in the supermarket. Do they still do those? Not that I'd get them anymore. They make me think of nipples.

Chocolate nipples...

The meaning - Sometimes, what you see isn't what you get. Don't be deceived by good looking things. It's like a mirage in a desert. You think that it's an oasis, but when you get there, you'll just be disappointed. I think this dream has already foretold some of the things that have happened to me. Like when I walk towards a fit girl I see in the distance, only to find out she's not really. Freakin' chocolate nipples

I'm thankful for...

For this post, I'd like to just write about the things I'm thankful for in life. I've never really appreciated what I've had before, and I wanna just do this now before I forget.


My family


My family is what I'm thankful for the most. I admit, sometimes I take them for granted. I don't give them the respect they deserve. I let them down so many times, but they've never once given up on me. That's what families are for; they support you no matter what. My dad is an amazing guy, and my granddad is just as amazing. In one of my future posts, I'll tell you about how they survived the Vietnam War and ended up in the UK. When I heard about it, I thought it was like a film. It seemed so unreal, and I'm sure I couldn't have held it together during all the suffering they experienced.

My grandma has always been so nice to me. I've sometimes found her annoying, but she's only doing it for my own good. She's had a sad history, but she's an extremely strong-willed woman. She's been through so much, but never broke down even once. One time during a holiday to Vietnam, she even got hit by a car. She had to stay in hospital for a few days and had a titanium rod inserted into her leg for support.

My mom had to begin working at her family owned tea shop at 12 years old. She has had a much better childhood compared to my dad's, but is still very tough compared to the childhood I've had. Maybe it is because of this that she is so harsh on me. Ever since I could think, she's always been a scary and strict woman, but as I got older I began to understand the reason behind it. Yes, she is still very strict but it is completely for my own good. We're both very stubborn so we end up disagreeing with each other a lot, but I'm usually wrong. Without my mom, I think I'd probably fail as a person.

Although I argue with my brother a lot, we do get along very well. I can't wait till he's older and more mature. I'm sure we'll be very great friends.

I'm thankful for my family and all my relatives who are also really really nice.

My friends

I've had many friends over the course of my life, and I'm thankful for every one that I've met. Along with my family, they've made me who I am. I thank them for encouraging me and giving me advice through hard times, and being with me during happy times. I've had some incredible experiences and adventures with lots of different friends, and some of them were the most exciting times of my life.

Chicken wings


I absolutely love chicken wings! It's my favourite food. I'm thankful that I get to eat it occasionally, and I'm even more thankful that my mom and grandma can make some of the best chicken wings around!

My hair

I'm thankful that my hair is naturally straight and thick. It means I don't have to spend a long time trying to stylise it and preparing to go town. Also, it attracts the ladies hehe.

Blogger


Blogger allows me to express my emotions and thoughts, and share with people my experiences. I'm thankful for that and also for when I'm older because I can go back on stripeytofu.blogspot.com and read what I wrote many years ago.

I planned to write much much more, but this post was more difficult to write than I had anticipated. I'm thankful for many more things, but I'll leave this for now.


What are you thankful for?

My dream girl

I've been asked this question several times: what type of girl do you prefer? I've never given a straight answer, but after all this time, here is my reply:

Spontaneous. I like girls who are spontaneous. Girls who think out of the box, who are unique and aren't afraid to show it. She is who she is and she doesn't care what everyone else thinks of her. I think that that is what appeals to me the most, a girl's confidence. I trust that is also the same for girls? Girls like confident guys.I like girls who are outgoing, unlike me. I like girls who can stand up for themselves (mostly because I can't.. just kidding). I probably sound like such a wuss now, but that isn't really the case. If I loved my girlfriend, I'd protect her will all my life. Sounds so cheesy, but it's true. Probably.

Anyway, besides her spontaneous personality, my dream girl would be pretty. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a shallow guy. I know I shouldn't, but it can't be helped. My standards aren't too high. You guys must think I'm a douche now... I'm just saying, girls should care a little about how they look, as first appearances are really important. Not so much make up that it disguises who you are, but not so little care that there's leftover pizza on your face. It's actually more difficult to explain in words. It makes so much sense in my head though. Does anyone understand me?

According to Jam, I like girls with dyed hair. I guess this is true, most of the girls I've had a crush on do have dyed hair. Apparently I also like girls who are 'cute'. I wouldn't say that these kind of girls are my type though.

If I had to choose a girl closest to fitting my type, it would be Zara. She's a fictional character in the romantic comedy film Kissing Cousins. Portrayed by English-Indian actress, Rebecca Hazlewood, Zara is definitely the kind of girl I want to date. Honest, open and kind. She's also really cool, someone is wanna hang out with all the time. I reckon with her, not a day would be boring. Wow I did not expect so much cheese in this post.

I watched this on YouTube

Well, there you go. A detailed post describing my dream girl. I haven't met anyone like this yet (actually, maybe once but you'll never know who she is mwuhahaha). Obviously this doesn't mean I limit myself to what kind of girl I date, after all, you can't choose who you love. Anything could happen.

Here are some nice photos of Rebecca Hazlewood, my latest actress crush:

At first I didn't think she was pretty at all, but then I opened my eyes...

Moons and planets

The way I see it, people are like moons, and groups are like planets. Each planet has several moons orbiting it. Each group consists of several people. I think I used to orbit a planet, but I don't know where that planet has gone. I probably left it. I see many other planets and their moons, but they're all fixed, and I can't join them. I want to, but it'll feel like I'm intruding since those moons have been orbiting that planet for so long. Some moons pull me in slightly with their gravitational pull, but that's it. Now it's as if I'm an asteroid just flying in space.

Get what I mean?


PS: Oh ma days- This blog has been so depressing lately. The next one is defo gonna be happier!

This is me fighting another moon. Lol.

This has happened to everyone, kinda

I don't know about you, but this usually happens to me online and texting. When I'm talking to someone (90% of the time a girl), it always seems as if they don't really care, and put minimal effort into relying back. It's worse when they reply back with something you can't follow on from, and you're forced to ask a question, but then you're not sure if you should because they may seriously not wanna talk to you for some reason or another, and then you end up just making an excuse that you have to leave. Yep, that happens to me all the time.

It's quite frustrating really, I mean, if you're busy or something, you could let the person know. If you don't wanna talk, just say. If someone told me they didn't really want to talk at the moment, I'd back off. It's just, some advance warning would be appreciated. I'm ranting because it has happened so many times I'm tired of putting all the effort into it. Granted, I don't always put the effort in too, but at least I'll let you know if I'm busy or what.

On a brighter note, I got the laptop I wanted!

Soulmate

How do you know if he/she's the one? If they're worth your effort?

So there's this person you really like, but it doesn't seem as if they have any interest in you whatsoever. Do you carry on pursuing them, even if it annoys them, or do you give up completely?

Let's create a scenario. We have Howard, 17, the guy who's never had any luck with girls. He wears glasses ad has no sense of fashion. Then there's Sally, the 'love of his life'. She's the popular blonde one who has all the boys in line waiting for her. Stereotypical, but it'll do.

Howard has finally mustered the courage to confess to her. She rejects him. Just like that. Howard, who was already lacking confidence, backs away and remains depressed for the rest of the year. It seems like even though she's his soulmate, it was never meant to be. What went wrong? Let's take a step back.

If Howard really believed she was the one, he shouldn't have gave up. He won't know what's going to happen. Nobody does. But if Sally is the one, he should never give up.

Now if Howard did keep pursuing her, there's only going to be two outcomes:
A. Sally realises her love for him, and Howard has succeeded in finding his soulmate.
B. Sally gets pissed off, and Howard never sees her again.

I'm not gonna lie, the latter is most likely going to happen. Maybe she just wasn't the one. I say that to a lot of my guy friends who haven't had the reply they wanted.

In fact, I forgot to mention the third outcome:
C. Howard gives up after a he realises she isn't really the one. Giving up at this stage is different to if he gave up when she first rejected her. Giving up now, Howard doesn't regret anything. He tried his best, and if he gave up at this point, Sally isn't his soulmate.

To summarise, if you think you've found the one, you never give up going for them. If you do find that you give up after giving your all, then they're not the one. You move on, and keep searching. Many people will disagree with me when I say, everyone has one soulmate. You just have to look hard to find them.

Love, really?

Have you ever felt like, you loved someone, but they don't love you back? Like, to you they're your soulmate, but for some reason, to them you're non-existent? I'm willing to bet many people have experienced this feeling, and I just wanna take some time out and discuss this in depth.

Now I'm no love expert (I don't think I've ever even fallen in love before) but from my own experience, this is the knowledge I have gathered.

Love is unpredictable. It's a cliche but a very true fact. You can't do anything about it. You can't choose who you love, it just happens. That guy, he's old enough to be your dad, but you can't help thinking about him. That's love, you can't help it. That girl, she looks like a camel, but you can't stop dreaming about her. That's love, you can't help it.

There's no such thing as loving the wrong person, the only mistake that could happen is thinking you love the person. It can be hard to tell the difference, but it's something you'll have to figure out yourself.

Why do I sound like I know what I'm talking about? Actually, I don't know. Perhaps, none of this is true. Perhaps it is. I believe there's no answer, only personal opinions. Love is not something that can be defined. It's just the way that God created us. Ah, now I'm going off topic. Believe me when I say, this is truly an amazing, yet difficult topic to talk about. It's like I know what I want to say, but I can't express it in words

Okay, I need to reel you back in and make you interested. Let me tell you a bit about myself. First, you should know that I haven't been in a serious relationship before, forget even loving someone. So why am I writing this stuff? I think it's so that people know what my take on love is like... Maybe. It seems like there's more questions and less answers.

Back to the original question: have you ever felt you loved someone, but they don't love you back? What do you do about it then? My thoughts? Do whatever you want. What happens was supposed to happen. They either realise your love for them, and they love you back, or they really just can't love you back. Like I said, you can't choose who to love.

I'm sorry, I came up with more questions, and didn't really give any advice. I wasn't really trying to give answers to be honest, but after writing this, it has really made me curious, even more than before. It's made me want to find out what love really means. Man, I'm sounding so cheesy at the moment. Forgive me, I just watched a romance and now I'm listening to love songs while writing this. I'm probably gonna regret it, but I'll post it tomorrow anyway...